Why I Broke the Law

On the last day of last year, I woke up with the gut wrenching, heart pounding knowledge that something huge had to change in my life.

As much as I have worked on myself, the big picture of my life wasn't turning out the way I had intended and I could not let another year go by without some sort of radical shift.

There were too many days when, instead of making a choice for myself - focusing on what I wanted my life to look and feel like and acting out of that inspired place - I would simply react to situations that presented themselves and go with whatever flow was there - usually, the path of least resistance.

Funny...when I state it this way it becomes painfully obvious why things haven't gone in the direction I have hoped:  I had not prioritized my life vision. I prioritized whatever random situation arose. I gave over the energetic control of my life to whatever was presenting itself to me.

I was guilty of adhering to Newton's First Law of Motion - a body at rest stays at rest until acted upon by an outside force.

I was a body at rest, being acted upon by numerous outside forces and I was at the mercy of everything and everyone.

So I decided to go rouge and break the law. I decided that from that moment forward I would no longer be a body at rest. I would be a body, a heart, a spirit, a soul in absolute inspired, dedicated, committed motion.

In my lawlessness, my very being would become, not the outside force, but the inside force that would propel me towards the life of my dreams. This inside force, shaped from the steadfast vision that I have created of my beautiful, magnificent, joyful, wonder-full life would guide my way in every situation. It would become my priority. Because I would make it the priority.

In my lawlessness, I would no longer allow myself to be in situations where my vision for my life would take second fiddle to whatever chaos was currently presenting itself. I would no longer allow someone else's choices to dictate my present moment. I would no longer allow someone else's actions to compromise my future. I would no longer be a reaction to what was happening around me.

Pain pushed, until vision pulled. I have become an outlaw and I'm proud of it.

This shift has been difficult but immensely rewarding. It has required me to take time, every day to focus inwardly and to remember the dream, remember the vision that I have for my life. It has required me to commit again and again. It has required me to make different choices than I have in the past.

It has required me to step way, way, way out of my comfort zone and literally leap empty handed into the void.

And...although currently, I cannot see (in this dimension) the results of my commitment to motion and lawlessness, I can feel it.

It has resulted in a strength that I have never known possible. It has allowed me to feel a groundedness and a courage that before was completely elusive despite my very best efforts. 

Of course there are moments when I want to pull the covers over my head and retreat to my former visionless hideout. There are moments of fear - but they are fewer and father between and they are so very temporary.

 In the face of bad news or disconcerning circumstances I do not go into panic mode now. I simply allow the information to wash over me and I remind myself that this is not in line with the vision I have for my life and so I am not going to invest any energy into it. 

There are also real, important moments of stasis where I wait and watch and take in the landscape before moving forward. And those are just as vital as the moments filled with motion. 

From that place over looking the valley of my life I can decide with clarity and wisdom what to do next in service to my dream.

I feel raw and rough and ragged like a cowgirl, yet finely attune to the grace of my life unfolding before me. 

I don't know the exact when or the how but I do know that I will ride off into the sunset and live happily ever after, because that is my vision and I'm sticking to it. 

Namaste