If you’ve been following along with my blog posts, you’ll know that for the past 6 months or so I’ve really been struggling.
Wonder-fully, Miraculously, Beauti-fully my family and I have had some breakthroughs as of late. Things have turned around for us in so, so many ways. The Mercy I have been seeking has come!
And yet I’m still dealing with my old friend, Lingering Fear and he’s holding me back, way back.
Lingering Fear is the worst kind of friend to have. You break up with him and then he shows up, unannounced, at the party that was for your deliverance out of the darkness. He waltzes around, flirts with you, just like old times, invites you to dance (and he’s a super sexy dancer.)
And you think – ok, just this one last time. But that opening is all he needs and pretty soon he is once again running your psyche. EVEN THOUGH YOU ALREADY CAME THROUGH THE DARKNESS!
As I’ve supposed to be celebrating, I’ve been utterly confounded by my own lack of “Woo Hoo!”, “Yahoo!” and “Yay!”
While suffering, I had said again and again, “I’m done with this! DONE!” I was soooooo over feeling desperate and scared, soooooo over fear, and yet now, I can’t feel the joy and it frankly stinks.
I’m getting caught in the Lingering Fear of “what if’s” now. “What if this is too good to be true?” “What if this doesn’t work out?” “What if this isn’t real?” “What if it all falls apart again?”
And I’m smart enough to know that where focus goes, energy flows, and if I don’t stop Lingering Fear, he will win out, again! My beautiful future is in my hands (and my heart and my soul) and I have got to get it together and say goodbye to this creep.
So here’s what I remembered:
Fear is a closed energy – it’s inverted faith. You feel it when you don’t trust your connection to the divine.
Emotions are created by the thoughts we choose to focus on.
Emotions act as markers to let us know if we are focusing on expansive, empowering thoughts or fearful, limiting thoughts.
So here’s what I’m going to do:
When Lingering Fear comes around – I’m going to focus on the present moment. Fear is almost never current – it’s usually tied into the thoughts we have about the future. I’m going to breathe 3 deep breaths in through my nose and out through my mouth. I’m going to look at my hands or my feet. I’m going to get grounded and pay attention to what is in front of me.
Once I get present, I’m going to ask myself a simple question : “What is the worst thing that can happen?” Once I can accept whatever it is and I rationally realize that I will be okay if the worst thing happens, I am free from Mr Lingering Fear. Maybe I’m blowing things way out of proportion. Maybe stepping back can help me see that.
Then I’m going to say a new mantra…something like, “I am not these thoughts. I am not these feelings. I am not this body. I am an infinite being having a human experience.”
Next I’m going to place my hand on my heart and I’m going to breathe again; in and out and in and out and then, I’m going to say something like:
“I am now connected with the divine in myself which is already whole and complete and lacking nothing. I realize that I created this fear and I recognize how much it has served me in the past, and now, I’m going to let it go, with Gratitude. I release my fear completely and I transmute it into unconditional love.”
How beautiful is that? “I transmute my fear into unconditional love.”
And I will say this again and again, until I know it to be the truth of my bones. Until I feel Lingering Fear take his seat next to Self Sabotage and Debbie Downer.
I am my own inner master. I am a Love/Joy Goddess and the creator of my reality.
To close this all out – I’ll do what a another old friend (Mastering Joy) taught me to do. I’m going to imagine a pond and I’m going to throw a stone into it and watch the concentric rings roll out and lap the shore. It’s a way to distract my mind and allow the process of release to unfold.
And then I’m going to be grateful. For everything. For my ability to go through this process and release all the fear that is holding me back. For my family and friends who support me. For the sky. The winds. The waters. This life. This opportunity to share. For me. For YOU.
I’m going to turn this survival mechanism into love and strength and I’m going to share that love, as much as I can, with everyone I can. Oh my gosh – it’s already working,
My blessings are with you today and everyday.
Thank you. Namaste.